A psychological cleanse...

I feel like life is full of surprises, some that are good and some that are... well, not. You're told these little myths that when one door closes another one opens and in some cases it's what you need to hear or read, but in reality what you need is to know exactly where you stand. Personally I am finished with allowing other people to pick me up, I need to start picking myself up in my own time and in my own way. However, when going through a hard situation in your life, it shouldn't have to be done alone, there should be support and people behind you just in case the time comes when you are suddenly knocked back, to be honest you need that in almost every situation good or bad.

I find it really weird how people can begin to make a permanent space for themselves within your life but then one day just be gone, with no reason, no explanation and you're the one left to pick up the pieces. You feel so hard done by and affected by something that can be so small and so insignificant in your life and something that can be easily sorted by a matter of a very very simple concept...conversation. Sometimes though, its a matter of space and alone time and there are no hard or negative feelings towards this person but just the fact that you need to take a step back and re-evaluate. I have no problem with this personally as you are always going to need that time for yourself to just cleanse yourself almost, of all the bad days, the horrific words said and received, just to psychologically let go. But how long does this take? And what happens if when you're done, everything has changed, this psychological cleanse has not only pushed negativity away but also pushed people away? Are we supposed to just expect the unexpected to then nod our heads at the outcome and move on? What if your the person who has been oblivious to this and ignored what is happening around you and to the other person because you are so fixed on what you feel needs fixing? NOTHING is perfect in the first place, but what if your trying to fix something that isn't necessarily broken. We need to stop having expectations of things and people, because most of the time it only leads to disappointment for ourselves. I believe that people should just do what they need to do and take the time they need to do what they feel is right. My only piece of advice I have to give after this confusing understanding is that, just because you're trying to improve something in yourself or in your life, it doesn't mean you have any right to bash and hurt the people who have supported you on your way up. You're always going to need someone to hold the ladder for you at the bottom. And all im saying is, dont take advantage of that, because all they need to do is take the impact of your push or your bash and lose their balance, then your both hurt, at the bottom with a confused mind wondering where it all went wrong.

love, lauren x